I'm (still) not okay.

This page was Depressionville this past couple of days. I don't know what else I could say. My whole world was so dark, I could not see the light. My world now, is brighter just by a little, but it makes no difference. I have never really experienced what 'a heavy heart' is, until now. The feeling is horrible. I will feel guilty if I experience even an ounce of happiness because I shouldn't be experiencing any joy. This matter is really serious to me.

I really should thank all who gave me encouragement and everything, but words do nothing for me. I strongly believe that actions speak louder than words, and hence I just cannot be comforted by listening to something. I need to see something done.

My mood is zilch. My motivation is zilch. My will to live is close to zilch now. I cannot let my future be ruined just like that. I worked hard, and I got this in return. I understand, Life is unfair. But I don't want to 'get over it'. It's stubborn, and it's affecting my life.

I seem to be making a mountain out of a molehill. I hope I am making a mountain out of a molehill. I don't want whatever I'm predicting now to actually come true. I am not thinking right these few days. In my mind, there seem to exist a whirlpool, mixing up anything I place in it. Decisions come and go, and I'm fricking not using my mind in making them.

There is this huge knot now, occupying my mind and my heart. I'm hoping it is not a dead knot. I'm losing my sanity. But as of now, I am still contemplating on whether I should lose it in the first place.

The slitting of wrist, might still not mandatory. Yet.

******

Your distant friend, the tagboard, is back.



I'll leave the song here (without the irritating auto-playing), cos frankly, it ain't half bad.